Ad Infinitum

Well, here I go again, lost.

I failed to perform the Jester’s Dance to the end, I failed to keep the promises made to myself and I failed not to fall again. The false smile didn’t work. ~fail~

“I live for knowledge!”, “I am just gonna care for myself starting from now”, “What I truly care for are my ambitions!”… hah, lying to myself all the time. I guess I am an epic fail.

Bakamono.

Now I don’t know anymore. What is the meaning of life? I have no answer.

What do I truly care for? I don’t know anymore. Ah well, I care for someone (I really do) but that person apparently doesn’t give a damn about me. For my part, I will have to sing Metallica here.

What I’ve felt…
What I’ve known…
Never shined through in what I’ve shown… (or maybe not?)

What the hell am I living for? Why am I even here?

Really, I mean really. I thought I’ve found myself. But have I? No. How long will it take to find myself? And how will I?

When will I discover what my destiny truly is? When? Will I discover the meaning of life before I die?

Life is waiting for the one who loves to live, and it is not a secret. (It’s Sonata Arctica.)

Do I love to live? Good question, a Yes or No one and here again, unanswered.

No guiding light, no shining star, I don’t see the light. So, I walk alone in this dark forest trying to find a way back home. Perfect.

Aspirat primo Fortuna labori. (Yeah, I stole it from Kamelot’s March of Mephisto. It’s originally Virgil’s, wtv.)

What effort have I put so that fortune would smile upon me? meh.

All that interests I have what do they actually mean to me?

Philosphy, Theology, Mythology, Archaeology, Symbols, Religion, Animism, Occult, even Theoretical Physics and what more??????

And oh yeah, damn SAT and TOEFL.

Now what?

Oh…

Why the hell am I writing this post?

Twilight of Man

For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? ~Revelations 6:17

I stood on the highest mountain at the edge of the world. I observed carefully to those that are called “man”.

Now the time has come to the tenth year of the 21st century in man’s standards. Mankind has been divided thoroughly. Centuries of hatred and greed have torn mankind apart. They have simply fallen prey to their own desires.

Lies, deceit, doubts, greed, anger, hate, jealousy and everything else have devastated mankind…

War… through the ages. Mankind waged war on their own kind. Bloody, violent battles raged through their history. The reminiscences of old hatreds seem to be left to this day in several places. Nations against nations, people against people, brother against brother… unending struggles for power, for greed, for belief…

Conflict of faiths… the symbol of mankind’s intolerance for being different. The bitterness spawned from this is massive. Violent struggles for faith seems to be more bloody than anything else…

And what they call “technology” seemingly made their lives better and worse. The world they live in is slowly devoured by it. Also, pollution brought upon is showing its vile effects. And weapons developed from it are seemingly enveloping the world in fear…

Poverty and hunger spread through  the surface. Wings of pestilence flew upon the divided lands. The angel of death massacred thous a nds of man.

Mankind fall on their knees against nature’s fury. So devastating that nothing could stand. Everything seems to be crushed in a blink of the eye. The earth shakes, the seas rise and the wind destroys…Is there any hope for the endless strife of mankind? Will they be able to overcome their own  mistakes? Only they will find it within themselves. But do they really have the potential?

For mankind… more is to come for I hold the trumpet in my hands, waiting for the right time to blow. Now… is it the time? Is it the time to bring the end? Will mankind be able to stand strong against the upcoming future?

Hades

I begged Charon to take me to the other side. My soul was judged by Aeacus, Minos and Rhadamanthus.

And so, my torment was brought upon.

Archeron crafted my sorrows and despair. Cocytus made me wail. Phlegethon burned me alive. Lethe concealed the truth from me. Styx engulfed me with hate.

As Prometheus, I had the same pain inflicted again and again. As Tantalus, I failed to grasp what I long for. As Sisyphus, I was bound to frustrations and failure. As Ixion, I burned in flames.

I laid down in the ghostly Asphodel fields. Everything was lifeless and barren. Not even a single sunshine was seen. Darkness… there was eternal darkness. The only light there was from the flames of torment. The shadows of my memories came alive, tormenting me bit by bit. The scars were torn open and blood flowed into Archeron.

I saw the Elysium fields. There was blessing… there was joy. The sun was shining brightly and there was no darkness nor fire. Laughter filled the air. But I couldn’t enter. Something pushed me back… into Tartarus.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to escape. No matter how hard I tried, Cerberus never let me go.

Now, I am on my knees. I prayed for deliverance. Will I ever escape from here? I don’t know. My hope is dying… slowly fading away…

I beg for the light to shine… will it shine upon me?

Altar of Sacrifice

I built an altar…

Everyday I made offerings and sacrifices. I knelt and prayed.

Days and months went by but I never missed a single day to visit the altar.

And there was darkness. The offered flowers withered. The altar was engulfed in the haze. That was when I fell from grace.

I pray hard on my knees for the light to come…. pray for this to end. Maybe a better sacrifice is required. And that sacrifice is my own self?

Some of My Favorite Bands

A collection of some of my favorite bands. Made it last night.

\m/

Metal lives forever!!!